A 1-In-100 Blogger: The Humor of Fantasy Football Trash Talking

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Humor of Fantasy Football Trash Talking

Do you play Fantasy Football? I do. It's a great way to get more involved while watching sports. If you don't know much about the sport or the player's who play the game you love to watch—or wish you enjoyed more—fantasy sports help make it happen. Not only does it allow one to learn about the entire league and its player's, but knowing more about them gives an upper hand to fantasy team owner's vying for a Championship win.

Due to the deeply rooted competitive nature all of us share, losing is simply a non-option, not without taking heat. Because fantasy sports are more fun to play with friends, family, or more competitively for money, it's easy to imagine trash talking as a inevitable relation to the game. Unfortunately, it's much more difficult to trash talk when the team you've built happens to be losing. This is the case for my fantasy football team this season.

During the first season playing in The Erwin Invitational Fantasy Football League, my team dominated! In 2005 I had "Mr. Touchdown" Shaun Alexander, Carson Palmer during his best season performance ever, Torry Holt still in his prime, a former U.S. Marine turned football player Mike Anderson, along with many other great football player's. I had a Championship caliber team.

What's amazing is how quickly things can change. Given the high injury rate of football player's, the shortened career potential due to injuries, and by chance having a stressful year in 'the real world,' a team can go from top to bottom in just a few seasons. I never did win the Championship game, after making it there I lost to my brother's team. This was the beginning of a downward spiral from there on out. I went from having a 10-3 season the following year, one in which I lost the first round of the playoffs, to an even worse season after that one. Four years into The Erwin Invitational I now find myself resting at the bottom of our league standings. It's been rough. To make matters worse, league trash talking is beginning to direct its attention toward my team – at me, to be more specific.

Here's the latest comedy from our very own league "Liberal Media" news wire:

Coach Erwin Goes Postal!


While Coach Erwin of the Muddy Grunts has been on the hot seat all season and may be near the end of his tenure, he has remained calm and could be called anything but hostile…until now. Early this morning Coach Erwin went on an insane shooting frenzy, shooting 32 and killing 12. To make matters worse, the rage that triggered his “gone postal” actions began in his own locker room where he shot and injured 8 of his own players. Included in this coach on player violence was former Heisman trophy winner Carson Palmer, as well as Jeremy Shockey, Sammy Morris, Ahman Green, L.J. Smith, Kerry Collins, Dan Orlovsky, and Ernie Sims.

While nobody knows for sure exactly what triggered Coach Erwin’s movement of violence, our experts all agree it was most likely a combination of factors that allowed the buildup of enormous stress and pressure while also effectively preventing Coach Erwin a healthy outlet for his stress. Most analysts believe Coach Erwin’s high stress level began after failing to make the super bowl two years ago. After taking over a team that was more than capable of winning a championship, Coach Erwin’s discipline dropped down a notch, as did his number of wins. Last year, he went 7-6. Currently, his team is 3-6 on the season and is a miracle away from making the playoffs. Additionally, his lack of leadership has allowed his players to consistently under-perform without consequence. A few weeks ago, coach Erwin used the age old excuse that for his team, “this is a rebuilding year.” But Erwin has done anything but rebuild his team. He hasn’t made any trades, and has failed to make any blind bids on the waiver wire which has proven to be one of the most successful and efficient tools for rebuilding any team.

If this doesn’t sound like the type of situation that would make a coach go insane enough to kill, that’s because you haven’t heard what experts are saying lit the fuse on this ticking time bomb. Two days after Barack Obama is elected President of the United States, Coach Erwin goes on a shooting frenzy…Coincidence? We think not. Coach Erwin was a public supporter of John McCain throughout the election process, and has also made his harsh feelings on Obama public as well. Coach Erwin was quoted yesterday, just hours before his blood thirsty rage, saying “Change? We don’t need change!! The Muddy Grunts don’t need change!! We need wins, not change!! If I wanted change, I’d give a dollar to a bank teller!!” While it was clear there was anger in his voice, it was more unclear if what Erwin said was just a bad joke, or a misunderstanding of the definition of change. Either way, the election seems to have pushed Erwin over the edge of reason.

After shooting 32 people, and finally running out of ammunition, Coach Erwin gave himself up screaming “You want change!! Here’s your f***ing change!!” as he threw nickels and dimes at innocent spectators and injured victims. While Coach Erwin is facing extremely harsh penalties for his actions, including the death penalty, experts predict his brother, the coach of The Channel 4 News Team, will bail him out with his connections as commissioner, similar to what happened in the marijuana scandal that just happened to magically disappear out of the record books without a trace.

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